Realization of my obstacles - Week one

Week one of my bluegrass experience at East Tennessee State University was strenuous. My work load consists of a band class once a week, individual instruction once a week, Survey of Contemporary Bluegrass at 8:15 a.m. twice a week and Bluegrass Seminar once a week. It doesn't sound like much of a class load and it didn't to me either when it was merely illuminating from my computer screen. Now that I am immersed in the program - I feel overwhelmed.

My first realization of how far I had to go in this field of study was when I went to my first session of Survey of Contemporary Bluegrass. We sat down to converse about bluegrass and what we thought the definition would/should be. I sat quietly and listened to others speak, which is completely opposite of my personality when I am excited about something. I am more than excited to learn about bluegrass and I didn't know why my mind and tongue were paralyzed. When the professor instructed me to speak I admitted my ignorance on the topic. I explained that I had no idea what bluegrass is and that I have a narrow view about its characteristics musically. I went even further to explain that I was there to learn about what it was and to learn how to play it, unlike my fellow classmates who are there to simply improve upon their already seemingly immaculate talent.

My second dose of reality was in my bluegrass seminar class. This class is dedicated solely to keeping up with everyone's progress and instilling the importance of knowing the culture. We are learning about different aspects of appearance on stage, listening skills, finance, practice habits and music as a lifelong endeavor. The instructor started by having all of us introduce ourselves. I went first and basically explained I was a beginner right from the start. After I stopped talking I could feel the eagerness building in the classroom. One by one the other people explained their lifelong endeavors with bluegrass. They expressed their experiences in everything from family bands at the age of two to having a natural affinity for the style since they were a tot. I wanted to throw up.  

My final moment of realizing my inadequacy was in bluegrass band. I entered a room with six other students who were now my new bandmates. As soon as I sat down someone said, "Who knows Whiskey before Breakfast?" Everyone awed at this selection and on they went with their performance. I sat there dormant to the point of rigamortis. I had only taken two months of lessons on my mandolin and I wasn't about to crank out something magical. I noticed people staring at me with my lack of ambition and what they saw as laziness. When the tune ended I explained myself and I could see an array of facial expressions that ranged from oh-no-this-is-going-to-be-awful to aw-poor-thing-she's-new-and-has-no-idea. I wanted to crawl inside the huge bass standing triumphantly behind me and die. These people made me feel like I was in the middle of a bluegrass hurricane and never had a survival drill in my entire life.

After class I scurried off to tend to things that I am already comfortable with like: writing and working on the campus newspaper. I waited for my next Survey of Contemporary Bluegrass class to circulate around for the week and that morning I unloaded my feelings of fear and sorrow onto my instructor. He reassured me that with ample practice and insurmountable ambition that I will be able to fall in line with the others.

In summation, the week ended with me on the verge of tears. I realized that my visualization of what the program was like was far off from the actuality. I learned that the students involved in this program eat, breathe, walk and talk bluegrass. I have to learn the history, the culture and style in a matter of weeks and my only fear now is that they will reject me for trying to conform.

Click here for a video of what 'Whiskey Before Breakfast' sounds like:
Whiskey Before Breakfast